Who's on first?

Here's a video from a few months ago. Ever try to get someone to understand, "Not you, me?" Try it on a 22 month old....

Woodland turtles

I'm pleased to report that no turtles fell in the woods. Leaves did though. My Dog did the leaves ever fall! It was traumatic, considering the time I had several weeks of "extra duty" (punishment for being a dumbass) in the military wherein I would spend about 4 hours each evening raking leaves.

It started with a lovely flight from Honolulu to LA. Then from LA to Chicago. And finally from Chicago to Louisville, KY. I started at 1:30 min the afternoon and arrived at 6:30 AM. Let me tell you how wonderful it is to fly 4000 miles in coach when you're 6'1". Then I arrived at the rental agency to pick up the SUV I got such a great deal on on Priceline. As I could have predicted with Nostradamus-like powers, "I'm sorry, we don't have any SUVs in right now." This is not the first, or second, or even third time I have attempted to rent a specific type or model of vehicle. I have N E V E R gotten what I had agreed to in the contract that they would happily bind me to. But I digress...

"Would you be willing to take a truck?"

Did someone just say the T word? I love trucks. I'm on my third consecutive truck at home. And on a camping trip?! But renting a truck at a car rental place will usually set you back about $350 or more a week. I had managed by some magical powers to snag a (mythical) SUV for over $100 less than that for 8 days. And now they're offering me a truck for that price?

Not just a truck, either. A 2008 Toyota Tundra Double Cab 4x4 SR5 5.7L V8. A $31,000 truck. I'll be one of the first to tell you that I'm not a big fan of imports. Especially in the truck arena. It's not a fair bias anymore, but it is what it is. I'm a Ford guy. This was one helluva nice truck though. I thoroughly enjoyed it. I only sorta wish we hadn't stayed in a National Park so that I might have had a better opportunity to abuse it off-road somewhere.

But enough about the truck (for now). I drove south for a couple hours, picked up squirt, and continued on to Tennessee. We stopped off at the Bass Pro Shops in Sevierville, TN just outside of Knoxville and picked up some hiking shoes, hiking socks, and a sleeping bag for my daughter, and pepper spray for the occasional bear attack. We made another stop at Kroger and filled the cooler and then drove south into the Smokies. Nothing like setting up a tent at 8PM after a redeye and 300 miles of driving.

Let me tell you that this kid has her dad's legs (No you perv, they're not hairy)! She's a born hiker, and maybe someday she'll be a varsity runner, too. On our first warmup hike, we did a 3/4 mile loop, and she was practically begging to keep going - so we did another ~6 miles. I was surprised at how good we both felt at the end, but made the next day a driving/rest day anyways.

Or so I thought. We drove to the parking area at Clingman's Dome, the highest point in the Great Smokey Mountains National Park. The drive was beautiful. The steep 1/2 mile paved pathway was breathtaking as well. Literally. It felt like a lot more than 1/2 mile. The view was a mix of amazing and disgusting. It was, at one time, an awesome view, but now the smog limits visibility to around 20 miles. To be able to see how miserable the air is at somewhere that from the ground appears pristine is heart-wrenching. And for an extra heaping of guilt, we drove down to Cherokee, NC in the southern section of the park. Munchkin and I walked through the 5 or so gift shops selling the same tourist-trap items and watched a couple of native Americans "dancing for dollars" to once-sacred music. That's not to say that it wasn't interesting, but I think my perspective was (thankfully) much more depressing than my daughter's. To drive through those beautiful mountains and realize that they once were home to respectful people who "lived green" for thousands of years before it became cool eats at my conscience (That's my lot as a middle-age white male though. I get to feel guilty for most of the world's injustices).

So the next day, charged and ready, we headed out on our big hike. We had pored over the park maps the night before, carefully attempting to pick just the right number and length of trails to challenge but not kill us. We settled on a trail close to camp, with a large loop at the end like a lollipop. It was about 16 miles, according to the map. A lofty goal, for sure, but I figured we could double-back at any point and shorten it as needed. Next time, I'm bringing a topo map! What was difficult to see from the trail maps we had, was that the trails we chose were practically 99% uphill. We started at an elevation of 2300 feet, and climbed to 4600 feet within 5 miles. By that time we had long since cropped our distance goal down to a backcountry campsite just 1/2 mile ahead. We made a small fire, cooked a can of chicken, and had some of the most well-earned chicken fajitas ever.

Fortunately, the decent back down the mountain was amazingly easy and fast. It took us almost 4 hours to hike up, and less than 2 to hike back down. All told we probably consumed 3/4 gallon of water, 2lbs of snacks & food, and burned 312 gazillion calories. Well balanced with the nightly ritual of Smores over the campfire.




The trip was a blast. The munchkin and I unanimously decided that it should be an annual trip for us. If not to the Smokey Mountains at least, then camping somewhere. The next day we packed and said goodbye to the Smokies, but not the Appalachians.

Stay tuned for Woodland turtles, part 2.

Surprise! It's the fair!

Okay, so I'm obviously not as tuned into community events as I perhaps should be. The monkey and I were driving home from Longs after replenishing our supplies consisting of a new watch, plastic drinking cups, and matching sunglasses when I hear the announcement from the co-pilot seat. "Dada! Dada! Sphide Dada! Sphide! Biiiiig Sphide!"

There, in the community park amongst tents, jumpies, a pewee football game, and food booths is a 20-foot tall inflatable slide. Sweet! It's Saturday, I'm bored with a bored 20 month-old, and the weather is too overcast to take out the boat like I had planned. I'm totally down for some slide action if she is.

Well, we decided not to blow our wad all at once, so we started with the bouncy-house. That went over far better than expected. Lots of jumping, no major falls or collisions, and she loved every second of it.



Next we went on the wannabe teacups. This had me worried. She'd never been on a ride before, and this wasn't some quarter-fed plastic firetruck outside of Wal-Mart. It, too, was met with amazing success. No fear whatsoever. I don't know why I'm surprised. She'll sit in the kitchen and spin until she's too dizzy to stand, and then get up and do it again.



I told you we got matching shades. She insisted on wearing them, too. How I actually got this shot, by myself, on the first try, is among the list of mini-miracles today. My hair.... not so much.

Now, bolstered by the daring and success of our previous adventures, we faced the gigantor-slide, and one of us was too short (Sorry squirt, I'll stand on my toes next time). Bach to round 2 at the bouncy-house!!



Next up was the garden tractor in a train suit. It was satisfactory for her. I probably could have pushed the thing faster (At least, back in my early 20's I might have). My highly calibrated food sensors told me that it was time to find a precessed dead animal to consume, and squirt agreed. To top off the list of mini-miracles, we shared an entire Kalua Pork BBQ sandwich with no napkins, bib, or dropcloths and the shirt came out unscathed (Proof that she only makes messes at home because she enjoys getting cleaned by the dogs).



To top it off, we cruised the vendors. "Fowah dadi, flowah!!" Ahh yes. So, on the way out, she got to choose a flower for hard-working-mommy. Whaddayaknow? Purple!



The very best part was when we got home, I put her into her crib, I climbed into the bed in her room, and we took a 2 hour nap together!!!!!!!!!! Being a dad can be rough sometimes, but days like this make it rock!

Simple pleasures

How do we make someone smile when mommy is away? Oh, I guess it's not so hard.



Just give her a road vest and a turtle balloon as big as her and it's all smiles! I was hoping the vest would caution away onlookers that might get too close as her little head exploded from sheer joy. She loves turtles as much as I do. We're genetically bonded in our dementia.

And the crap just rolls off my tongue....

Names I make up for my kids on the fly:

Squirt, monster, creeper, munchkin, climber, turbo, monkey, funky monkey, kiddo, wiggles, giggles, turkey, drooley, cruiser, twerp..... and many more I can't remember.

I don't do hair

Nothing new to those who know me in real life. I've always gotten my hair cut in styles that allowed me to run a comb through it once in the morning and leave it alone. I get lost when it comes to my girls though. I'll admit it, when they spend time with just me, they don't enjoy the benefits of high fashion. We do have plenty of fun though. Today we had some time for dress up.


And, since we're doing adorable pictures;

Instant weight loss

Good child care is wonderful. My mom stayed home with me until I entered Kindergarten because she and dad believed that the benefits were worth the loss in potential income of two working parents. I tend to agree. Unfortunately, Wife and I already have well-established good-paying careers and it's just not very appealing to think of both of us renting a house and driving today's equivalent of the lime green and lemon yellow Ford Pintos that my parents did as they struggled *shudder*. The alternative is high quality and very expensive child care. Not a live in nanny or anything. We call it "school," because for all intents and purposes this is as close as a 1 year old can come to school. They play indoors and out, sing, read books, paint and do arts and crafts, and eat off of plates and drink out of cups (pacifiers and bottles are strictly prohibited!). Younger daughter gets great socialization skills and probably more mental stimulation that if I were to stay home with her. And then here comes the big, glaring, flaming negative: Colds.

I don't know what it is about herds of little kids, but they just seem to be sick magnets. Constantly acquiring and sharing new breeds of viruses until it blends into one giant snotfest. The latest gift my daughter has brought home (just in time for Mother's Day!) was a wonderful stomach flu. I've lost 6 pounds, or roughly 3/4 of a gallon, of fluids in the last two days from a netherregion where only solids should emerge.

The good news is I'm down to 170 lbs, which is where I'd prefer to be. The bad news is that I'll regain that weight as soon as I fix my leaking sieve. Perhaps I should try less than 6 sodas a day (I have been drinking only water and Gatorade while sick, but the Coke in the fridge still calls to me...) and a little more exercise, but that would be both tortuous and, well, work. I get enough work at work. Truth be told, I'd probably weigh closer to 190 if I didn't spend all day sweating, climbing ladders, crawling around houses and buildings, and making 50 trips to the utility truck with 20 lbs of tools strapped around my waist. I haven't liked voluntary exercise since High School. But I do love my job and the fact that it keeps me up and moving every day. Somehow, It's a lot easier when you're getting paid and there's tools involved. Uh!Uh!Uh! I'm suddenly feeling very Tim Allen. I think I'll grab my Sears Tool catalog and head to the bathroom. I'd better grab some extra paper, too...

Getting old

Granted, I was young when I had her, but my Older Daughter is now 10. I talked to her on the phone today, and it was quite something. It's usually hit-or-miss with her, and today was a hit. Basically, I listened for about 40 minutes as she jabbered away all the latest gossip of a 10 year old in Kentucky. It really was quite hilarious. I miss her so much, but she'll be here for the summer soon. It will be a big blur and then she'll go back home. 3 short weekends and 4 weeks of afternoons & evenings are all I will have to spend with her. It gets harder and harder to try to make up for lost time as she gets older. She's incredibly smart, and has lived through some very tough times. Did I mention she's 10? I can remember when I was 10. It was 1986, and it doesn't seem like that long ago....

Short long weekend

You know, after kids, down time is never down anymore. I took last Friday and this Monday off from work, giving me a 4 day weekend. I did it partially because we're trying to get my daughter cleared up from the colds that get passed around at day care before she goes to San Diego Wednesday to spend some time with her cousin. My poor Wife is in Tax hell until the 15th. I took today (Moday) off because I had a migraine this morning, possible from three days and nights with my daughter, but I'm watching her again today, too. Might as well. I mean, a migraine can only get better, right?

The problem is, although it sounds like a nice break, it's not. I love my daughter and all, but the supervision is never-ending. For instance, this is what she's been occupying herself with while I've been typing.

She's not a bad kid. On the contrary, she's a great kid. But kids need to be entertained and supervised. It's exhausting. We like to watch a show called "Jon and Kate Plus Eight," where a couple had twins, and then had sextuplets a couple years later. The poor woman is a stay at home mom, and is amazing. I don't know how she still has her sanity. The dad is great, too. Every once in a while they lose it just a little, and you want to criticize them, and then I think of how I can lose it with just 1 kid.

Anyways, regardless of my nice long weekend, I've gotten amazingly little accomplished. I did become very domestic and managed to do some laundry, clean the house, and pick up in the back yard. I haven't been able to do stuff like mow the yard, work on my truck, or clean and service all of my tools, which are all very high on my to-do list. As a guy, that's frustrating. As a dad, I'm okay with it now. Younger Daughter is a whole lotta fun to play with now, and they're only little once.

Gotta go, she's chasing the dog with a crayon!